plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
