my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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