I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
