Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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