the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
