he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
