drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
