How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
