By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
