He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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