I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
