After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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