i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
