my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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