whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
