New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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