I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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