I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I love having hate sex.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
