Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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