Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
