How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
