I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
