You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
