you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
