Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
