i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
