She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
