We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
