JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
