I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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