she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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