Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize