Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
