I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
