I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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