You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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