I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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