Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
