Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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