and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
