I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
