And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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