Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
