You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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