He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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