My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
