Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
