if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
