did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
