im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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