I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
