you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
