why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize