I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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