So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
