I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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