I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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