some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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