Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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