I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
