my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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