big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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