no, he came in my armpit
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
