my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
