I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
