Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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