porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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