sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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