Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
