So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize