I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
