The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize