Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
