I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
