I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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