It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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