I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
