so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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