As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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