One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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