if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
