I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
