I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize