just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
