i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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